Since today is my Friday (I'm taking my Momma for a well-deserved day at the spa tomorrow to celebrate her retirement and her birthday), I'm throwin' down the randomness tuhday. 

Here we go!

• I am an ASSHOLE. Sometimes my assholeness surprises me like being stung by a bee. I will have a conniving thought that makes me wonder where in my body is so dark that evil shit like that comes from! My eyeballs get really big and I spend a good minute or two scolding myself for having such nasty thoughts. Then I remember it's just a silly thought--it's only really evil if I follow through. Right?
• I HID OREOS FROM MYSELF IN THE FREEZER AT WORK! Monday just got WAY better.
• I have the hiccups and I am purposely not stopping them. #evil
• "We are all museums of fear." - Charles Bukowski
• I use laughter as a weapon. I laugh a lot and most of them are legit giggles! But sometimes...I laugh just to unnerve someone who is getting on MY nerves. I'm creepy like this.
• This is turning into a confession page and it's only TUESDAY!
• If you take better care of the THINGS in your life than the PEOPLE in your life, you might want to check your priorities before you wind up very alone.
• The Ring doorbell has enlightened me to the fact that I walk with the gracefulness of my father... Put me in some jean shorts and you'd never know the difference from the back.
• Someone said "Holy Jesus Balls" as a good thing today and I think I'm going to use it. ​

1. Much needed spa day with MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM. Robes, trail mix, awkward nudity = mother-daughter time.

2. Cook something interesting...or order pizza. Or make one of these kickass tortilla pizzas.

3. Come up with something else to blog about. If you're lurking, what do you want to know?

4. Look at all of the photos of my darling Grandgirl, Sophia, and print them out so I can frame them. #Geemuh

5. Paint ugly toenails.

6. Write a poem.

7.2.19: 

I have been trying to start blogging again for YEARS.

My mom has encouraged me at her own peril.

I have a tendency to avoid 

7.22.19:
​
............FINISHING THINGS?!

My mom/life guru, encouraged me by saying that if I was "successful" with this before, I could be again. My previous blog from a previous life had a few consistent features. One was the Weekend Wrap Up, which was inconsistently posted at some point on Monday after I had somewhat recovered from the weekend's 3rd hangover. Another was the Friday Randomness and Weekend Agenda which lived up to it's title most of the time. While complaining to my mother that I didn't know how to find a rhythm for regular posts, she suggested bringing back the Weekend Wrap Up.

Because I am Eeyore in a Heather suit, I rebuffed her idea and went back to complaining. (Poor Momma.) 

Why would I do such a rotten thing to such a wonderful woman?  Because I was in the throes of an epic quarter life crisis those days and life is much less tumultuous these days as I prepare to ramp up to my midlife crisis, which I'm hoping to avoid since the quarter life one was so goddamned dangerous and painful (thanks for the daily reminders, Timehop app!). 

Finally, after weeks of bumping her suggestion around in my head, something hit me this weekend. My life has changed, but ridiculous thoughts like these still cross my mind:

After reviewing that post, I feel confident that this is something I can return to. That bar is pretty dang low. 
I think my hesitation lies in the fact that blogging is different than it was a decade ago and my style doesn't fit the smartypants nature of today's popular blogs.

But, here's the thing...I don't blog because I fit in or in order to fit in. I've tried. It's very painful when I try and it never works. It might from time to time, but it's like that nightmare where you showed up to take the SAT drunk and you forgot to wear pants and you can't wake up. 

Bottom line, y'all, I gotta be me and frankly, I don't have a lot of opportunity to do that. 

With that in mind, I'm going to give this a whirl by going back to what I know I can produce. The other blog evolved into something with depth (occasionally) and if I did it once, I can do it again. I mean, how hard is it to talk about sleeping and boobs?

Look for some kind of weirdness in this space soon...



....or in about eleventeen years. 
Thankfully, no one is reading this dross, so I don't have much to worry about. If there is a someone reading this something, drop me note! 

See ya on Friday for some randomness maybe?