(My) Friday Randomness...and the Weekend Agenda

Since today is my Friday (I'm taking my Momma for a well-deserved day at the spa tomorrow to celebrate her retirement and her birthday), I'm throwin' down the randomness tuhday. 

Here we go!

• I am an ASSHOLE. Sometimes my assholeness surprises me like being stung by a bee. I will have a conniving thought that makes me wonder where in my body is so dark that evil shit like that comes from! My eyeballs get really big and I spend a good minute or two scolding myself for having such nasty thoughts. Then I remember it's just a silly thought--it's only really evil if I follow through. Right?
• I HID OREOS FROM MYSELF IN THE FREEZER AT WORK! Monday just got WAY better.
• I have the hiccups and I am purposely not stopping them. #evil
• "We are all museums of fear." - Charles Bukowski
• I use laughter as a weapon. I laugh a lot and most of them are legit giggles! But sometimes...I laugh just to unnerve someone who is getting on MY nerves. I'm creepy like this.
• This is turning into a confession page and it's only TUESDAY!
• If you take better care of the THINGS in your life than the PEOPLE in your life, you might want to check your priorities before you wind up very alone.
• The Ring doorbell has enlightened me to the fact that I walk with the gracefulness of my father... Put me in some jean shorts and you'd never know the difference from the back.
• Someone said "Holy Jesus Balls" as a good thing today and I think I'm going to use it. ​

The Weekend Agenda:

1. Much needed spa day with MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM. Robes, trail mix, awkward nudity = mother-daughter time.

2. Cook something interesting...or order pizza. Or make one of these kickass tortilla pizzas.

3. Come up with something else to blog about. If you're lurking, what do you want to know?

4. Look at all of the photos of my darling Grandgirl, Sophia, and print them out so I can frame them. #Geemuh

5. Paint ugly toenails.

6. Write a poem.